Fiction: Carrots and Straws

Howard stared at his wife.  She was standing in the middle of their kitchen holding a bunch of carrots in one hand, and a bag full of plastic bendy straws in the other, starting to tear up.  This would be very unusual, even for Haley, expect for the fact that she also had an eight months pregnant belly.  “I just don’t know what to do.” She nearly cried.

Howard knew that laughing would not help the situation.  Neither would asking where in the world she got the carrots, because he knew for a fact there were none in the house when he left for work that morning.  Howard figured that his only safe option was to say, “What don’t you know what to do about?” and to stay carefully out of arms reach just in case Haley decided to start swinging. 

“I wanted to make you a delicious dinner, because you’ve been so patient eating only baby friendly foods, but I wasn’t sure what I could make and I couldn’t find the casserole dish, and we were out of carrots and—“

Howard stepped forward and pulled Haley into a hug before she could really get on a roll and then have a complete breakdown. He hugged her from the side so that he didn’t risk freaking her out about “squishing the baby,” an irrational fear she had developed over the past two weeks or so.  Haley let out a slow breath and rested her head against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she groaned.

“You’re sorry? What on earth for?”

“For being a bad wife.”

“You’re a bad wife? Since when?”

“Since forever.”

“Forever? Huh. I haven’t noticed.  No. You know who was a bad wife?  Wasn’t there some woman who cut off her husband’s dick while he slept?  Like in the nineties? That, my dear, was a bad wife.”

“How do you even remember that?”  Haley couldn’t help but chuckle a little. 

“I’ve got a knack for old news stories.”  Howard laughed back, giving Haley the smallest of shakes.  “You want to make me happy with dinner tonight?”  Howard felt Haley nod against his chest. “Then let’s go out.”

“Out? Where?”

“Oh, I think you know where.”

“Ick. Howie. Come on.”

“Your call.”

There was a moment of silence and then, “Fine.  But this is the last time until this baby is at least six months old.”

“Deal.”  Howard slowly took the carrots and the straws out of Haley’s hands, and then placed them down gently on the counter.  Wrapping Haley up in her coat, they headed out to Howard’s favorite restaurant. 

Maybe he was a little bit taking advantage of the situation.  But hey. She most certainly was the best wife ever.